Stop Lying To Yourself

The biggest lies we live are often not the ones we tell others, but the ones we have learned to believe so that we don’t have to look the truth in the eye.

Few of us lie consciously, yet many of us are unaware of the extent of the self-deception we practise.

If someone had told me this a few years ago, I would have immediately blocked them out of my life, because authenticity and honesty are at the top of my values, and I genuinely pride myself on being someone who stands by her truth.

However, a few years ago, I was working on my second book, which is due to be released soon. The process of writing it was unique. I spent five days in a meditative state, listening and receiving what came to me — downloading, in a way. The book came through me from that state of consciousness. Many of my blind spots were revealed, the unconscious parts of me, including the extent of my own dishonesty.

My dishonesty with myself genuinely shocked me. But because I am someone who sincerely works towards bringing the unconscious into awareness, many things came to light and were finally, truly cleared.

Do you know what is most interesting?

You can be someone who genuinely stands up for the truth, encourages others to be authentic, and speaks about awareness and personal growth, while still having parts of yourself you are unwilling to look at.

You can be convinced that you are honest while sincerely believing a story about yourself that you have been building for years.

Because being honest about what you know about yourself is not the same as being willing to discover what you still don’t know.

Sometimes, what we call our character is nothing more than a collection of patterns we have repeated for so long that we have come to identify with them.

What if part of what you call yourself is not your true essence, but a way you learned to protect yourself from life?

What if the very thing you defend most fiercely about yourself is hiding the place where you need the most awareness?

Is there anything more liberating than the moment you stop defending your image of yourself and finally become willing to get to know who you really are?

I am writing this for those of you who are also willing to look the truth in the eye, no matter how difficult it may be, because everything within you knows that this is the only true path to freedom.

I am not writing this to judge anyone or to place myself above anyone else. I am writing because I know how easy it is to fail to recognise our own self-deception, and how liberating it is when we finally see it.

Because the truth does not set us free when we hear it, but when we are ready to stop running away from it.

What Does It Actually Mean to Lie to Yourself?

First, let us clarify that lying, dishonesty, and certain forms of manipulating the truth are rooted in fear and the need for control, rather than authenticity.

We don’t always lie because we want to deceive someone. Sometimes we lie because we don’t know how to live with the truth.

The truth may require us to admit that we were wrong. That we hurt someone. That we spent years waiting for something we should never have waited for. That we are staying in relationships that drain us. That we are not who we want others to believe we are.

And sometimes, the hardest thing to admit is that we are not victims of our circumstances to the extent we once believed.

This does not mean we are responsible for everything that has happened to us. But we can be responsible for what we do today with what has happened to us.

And that is where true freedom begins.

People who are dishonest with themselves and others, and may not even realise they are doing it, often blame others for how they feel, remain in the victim role, manipulate the truth, twist the facts, and repeatedly return to places of emotional pain.

This is actually a defence mechanism that may help in the moment, but its consequences can be more difficult and painful than any truth.

Because what we run away from does not disappear simply because we refuse to look at it.

On the contrary, we often begin to live out precisely what we are trying to escape.

We repeat the same relationships, the same conflicts, the same emotional reactions, and the same stories about why things keep happening to us.

The people, circumstances, and places change, but the inner feeling remains the same.

And then we ask ourselves: Why does this keep happening to me?

Perhaps, instead, we could ask ourselves:

What is it within me that I am not yet ready to see, but that keeps bringing me back to the same experience?

Not so that we can blame ourselves, but so that we can finally stop living unconsciously.

Because there is an enormous difference between blaming yourself for what happens to you and taking responsibility for what you can change.

One keeps you trapped in the past.

The other gives you back the power to create a different future.

Every Word You Speak Carries More Than Its Meaning

When it comes to healing yourself or your life, it is important to understand that every word carries its own energy. Every single one.

Everything around us is energy. We are part of it, and everything within us knows this truth.

The way we speak about ourselves, others, and life is not insignificant. The words we repeat become stories we believe, and the stories we believe influence how we see ourselves, make decisions, and experience reality.

If you constantly say that you have no choice, you may eventually stop looking for possibilities.

If you constantly say that others are to blame, you may never discover where your own power to change something lies.

If you constantly say, “This is just who I am,” you may deprive yourself of the possibility of becoming someone who no longer has to react from old wounds.

That is why it is not only important what you say. It is also important which part of yourself you are speaking from.

Then there is the personality we have built, shaped by our five senses. It is, in a sense, a construction of the ego-mind, created so that we can be accepted, loved, and considered significant in the eyes of others. This personality often relies on what it can perceive through the five senses.

But what happens when what we can see, hear, touch, and explain is not the whole truth about us?

What happens when the image we have of ourselves becomes more important than the truth we feel deep inside?

How many times have we betrayed who we are simply to preserve a sense of belonging, a relationship, someone’s opinion, or the image we have created of ourselves?

How many times have we kept quiet about what we feel and then convinced ourselves that it does not matter?

How many times have we said, “I’m fine,” even though deep down we knew we were not?

How many times have we stayed somewhere we no longer belonged because we were afraid of what would come after leaving?

And how many times have we called something patience when, in reality, it was fear of making a change?

Sometimes we do not betray ourselves through one great act. We betray ourselves through small, everyday decisions that no one else sees.

And every time, we find a good enough explanation for why we did it.

Until one day, we realise that we have become strangers to ourselves.

The Question That Can Open the Door to Your Freedom

Rather than listing all the different ways we lie to ourselves and engage in self-deception, I want to offer you a question to reflect on. It has the power to reveal the ways in which you betray or manipulate yourself:

What am I pretending not to see or know, and what comfort or sense of security do I gain by maintaining that ignorance?

Pause for a moment.

Do not look for an answer immediately.

Do not try to find something that sounds wise, self-aware, or spiritual.

Simply listen within.

Something may come up that you have known for a long time but have been unwilling to admit to yourself.

You may feel resistance, a need to justify your actions, or an urge to immediately find a reason why the question does not apply to you.

And that is precisely where it is worth pausing.

Because sometimes our first response is an attempt to protect ourselves from an answer we have yet to hear.

It is important to recognise that this is about ignoring the truth concerning something. However, we must distinguish between consciously avoiding the truth and genuinely not knowing something due to a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness of a particular subject.

We cannot be responsible for what we genuinely do not know. But we can be responsible for our willingness to learn, explore, question our beliefs, and admit to ourselves that we may not have all the answers.

Because there is a difference between someone who does not know something and someone who does not want to know.

The first has room to grow.

The second must first be willing to give up the security that their ignorance provides.

And that is not always easy.

The truth is that many people will choose, and do choose, this path of ignorance for their entire lives.

But this was not written for them.

This is for those who feel they no longer want to live on the surface of themselves.

For those who are willing to question whether some of their greatest certainties are actually carefully constructed defences.

For those who no longer want to be right at the expense of their own peace.

For those who want freedom more than they want to remain in what is familiar.

Because sometimes the greatest obstacle to our growth is precisely the thing we are convinced we already know.

What Are You Pretending Not to Know, and What Are You Protecting by Doing So?

It is the same question as before, just phrased differently.

But I want you to look at it from another angle.

What if what you are protecting is not just a secret, an emotion, or a relationship?

What if you are protecting your image of yourself?

The image that you have always been right.

That you have always given more.

That you have never been part of the problem.

That everything you did was out of love.

That you have forgiven someone, even though you still revisit what they did to you.

That you have let something go, even though you are still trying to control how it will end.

That you trust life, while actually trying to control every outcome.

Sometimes it is not the truth itself that keeps us trapped, but the fear of who we will have to become once we admit it.

Because if you admit that you were wrong, you must give up the need to be right.

If you admit that you hurt someone, you must take responsibility.

If you admit that something hurts you, you may have to stop pretending you have moved beyond it.

If you admit that you no longer want something you have wanted for years, you may have to change the entire direction of your life.

And if you admit that you have been telling yourself a story that no longer reflects the truth, you will have to decide whether you want to keep living in it.

The question is not only what you will lose when you admit the truth. The question is also how much of yourself you are already losing by trying not to admit it.

Some of the Most Common Forms of Self-Deception We Often Fail to Recognise

I will mention a few things that have become normalised for many people but can actually turn into significant forms of self-deception.

“I Believe in God.”

Yet you never feel at peace within yourself, and you cannot rely on yourself or on life.

This is a good place to pause and ask yourself: Is my faith something I truly live, or something I hold on to when I need to feel safer?

This does not mean that a person who experiences fear has no faith. We are all human, and we all experience moments of doubt, insecurity, and weakness.

But if we constantly say that we believe while living in a state of perpetual tension, distrust, and the need to control everything, there may be a gap between what we believe and how we live.

Is it possible to believe in God while still behaving as though everything depends entirely on us?

In other words, this can become a form of self-deception: saying that we believe in God while being so afraid of life, our own emotions, and uncertainty that we never allow ourselves to truly rely on something greater than our own minds.

Perhaps this is one of the greatest forms of self-deception I see among our people.

Because faith is not only what we say.

It is also reflected in how willing we are to live what we claim to believe.

“I Am Aware of Myself and My Mistakes.”

Yet you have never truly forgiven yourself for certain things. You still blame others, have not forgiven yourself, let alone others.

You can spend years talking about your mistakes, analysing them, understanding why they happened, and explaining how they affected you, while remaining trapped in the same emotion.

Because understanding something intellectually is not the same as changing the way you carry it within yourself.

A self-aware person knows they have flaws and is not ashamed to admit them, but they make an effort not to repeat the same mistakes.

A self-aware person does not use their wounds as an excuse for all their actions.

They do not use their past to avoid responsibility in the present.

A self-aware person looks within first. They ask themselves how they contribute to a problem and why certain patterns continue to repeat in their life.

This does not mean they are responsible for other people’s actions or that they are to blame for everything that happens to them.

It means they are willing to recognise what they can influence.

An unaware person, on the other hand, can spend years going around in the same vicious circle of thoughts and emotions, reacting in the same ways while finding a new reason each time to blame someone else.

And so the circumstances change, but the inner story remains the same.

So ask yourself:

Have I truly become aware of my patterns, or have I simply learned to explain them better?

Because it is possible to understand so well why you do something that you turn that understanding into yet another way of changing nothing.

And awareness without a change in behaviour can easily become another story we tell ourselves.

“This Is Just Who I Am.”

Or, even worse, I often hear people say, “This is just who I am.”

This can be a sign of deep unawareness and unwillingness to question oneself, especially when these words are used to justify refusing to learn, change, or reconsider something.

You do not want to know or learn anything new because perhaps, deep down, you know that doing so would mean becoming responsible for your actions.

This way is easier.

• It is easier to say that this is simply who you are than to admit that there are things you could change.

• It is easier to say that you are honest without looking at the ways your honesty hurts others.

• It is easier to say that you have a fiery temperament than to learn how to regulate your reactions.

• It is easier to say that you do not trust anyone than to ask yourself how much your past still defines you.

• It is easier to say that you are simply the way you are than to admit that some of your behaviours may be rooted in fear, hurt, or a lack of emotional maturity.

Of course, this does not mean we must change our essence to please other people.

But there is an enormous difference between accepting yourself and using self-acceptance as an excuse never to grow.

Accepting yourself does not mean declaring all your patterns unchangeable. It means having enough honesty to see where you are today and enough self-love to know that you do not have to stay there.

The Deepest Form of Self-Betrayal

The deeper problem with dishonesty, a lack of integrity, and self-betrayal — which lead to self-deception and the manipulation of truth — is that every time you choose not to see the truth, and every time you choose to act outside your integrity, it is as though you are cutting off your own supply of oxygen.

The oxygen I am referring to is your connection with Universal Intelligence, or God.

I am not saying that a person must be perfect to be connected to God.

Quite the opposite.

We all make mistakes. We all have blind spots. We all have parts of ourselves we are yet to discover.

But there is a difference between someone who recognises that they have made a mistake and is willing to admit it to themselves, and someone who knows they are not being truthful but persistently finds ways to justify their actions.

The first leaves room for change.

The second gradually builds a life in which they must constantly defend their own version of reality.

• How much energy do we spend maintaining an image of ourselves that does not align with what we know deep down?

• How much energy do we waste trying to justify what we feel is not right?

• How much energy goes into suppressing emotions, hiding the truth, avoiding responsibility, and proving that we are right?

• And what remains of us when we stop spending all that energy running away from ourselves?

People often think the truth will hurt them, without realising how exhausting it is to constantly avoid it.

People are unaware of what they do to themselves when they consciously choose to remain beings limited to their five senses, attached exclusively to what they can see, touch, control, and understand with their minds.

When you choose to ignore that you are a soul in human form, a consciousness that will continue even when the body shuts down, you are, from my spiritual perspective, consciously distancing yourself from the life force, from yourself, and from what you truly want.

And what can we say when someone consciously chooses to hurt another person?

That is one of the most difficult choices a human being can make.

It is often said that hurt people hurt people.

But there is another truth we rarely look at.

Few people realise how much they hurt themselves every time they act against their own integrity, repeatedly betraying or deceiving themselves.

Every time you silence your truth because you are afraid you will not be accepted.

Every time you betray your own values to keep someone in your life.

Every time you feel that something is not good for you, but convince yourself that you are overreacting.

Every time you know it is time for a change, but find yet another reason to remain where you are.

Perhaps no one else will know you did it.

Perhaps you will even manage to convince yourself that it was the right decision.

But somewhere deep inside you, a trace remains every time you choose not to listen to what you truly knew and felt.

And that is precisely why integrity matters so much.

Not because you need to be perfect.

But because you want the person you show the world and the person you are when no one is watching to become more and more alike.

When You Forget Who You Are

When you realise that you are not just your body, but that your soul comes from God and is always connected and protected, a question arises:

• If deep down you know there is something more than the image you have built of yourself, why are you so afraid to be who you are?

• Why are you afraid to speak your truth?

• Why do you remain unseen when you want the opposite?

• Why are you afraid of your feelings while also wanting to live a fulfilling life?

• How long can you suppress what you feel and still expect to be at peace with yourself?

• How can you expect your body and mind to be in balance if there is a constant conflict between what you feel, what you know, and what you allow yourself to live?

They cannot be in true harmony if you are constantly trying to silence one part of yourself to satisfy another.

There can be no inner balance when you say that you are a human being with many flaws and virtues, yet refuse to accept the parts of yourself you do not like.

There is no freedom if you constantly measure your worth by other people’s acceptance.

There is no authenticity if you must continually choose between being loved and being yourself.

And there is no true peace if you wage war against your own emotions every day.

Perhaps healing does not begin when you finally become a better version of yourself, but when you stop rejecting the parts of yourself that are asking to be seen, understood, and accepted.

From my spiritual perspective, when we are disconnected from our truth, we move further away from the Source to which we belong.

When we suppress our emotions, deny our experiences, and live in ways that contradict what we feel deep within, we create an inner conflict that can affect our peace, our relationships, and the way we experience life.

The body and mind are not separate from our emotional experience. That is why it is important to learn to listen to ourselves, recognise our needs, and seek support when we need it.

But I also want you to understand something else.

• You do not have to be perfectly healed to be connected to God.

• You do not always have to be at peace to be worthy of love.

• You do not have to be free of fear to have faith.

Your humanity is not an obstacle to your spirituality. It is part of your experience in this world.